As time passes, and The Time is nearer, it gets harder to trust God. It is when Your love overwhelms me that i fear not. I look to You my Daddy, because You love me and right now You are with me. I reject all the failures that i am going through for i know, when the time is right, I will rise up and be the head. I reject all condemnation from my natural mind. I don't want to look at the amount of failures i am going through. I know You are my wisdom, my understanding. And in the midst of the storm, i ask for Your help, for i know that it is my Right to reign over all failures. Oh thank You Jesus for being with me right here, right now. I will soar on Your wings.

It isn't about how little or bad my vocab is.
It really isn't about how my mind goes blank and i can't speak.
It really really isn't about how i feel that i am so different that i don't seem to be able to communicate.
For it is REALLY about how you can use me to remind others of Your love, Your presence and Your grace in my life.


I see how you look at me in heaven.
How closely you watch after me.
How you set me on high.
How you put my enemies under my feet in Your rest.



 









How you treasure me like nothing else. How you can't wait to bless me.
Holding on to your camera, can't wait to snap every single moment of my life.










Even when i am asleep, You look at me with Your loving eyes.
Such security i feel even when I am alone.
Such favour of Yours upon me.
How can I not feel loved by You.
Such peace i feel knowing You will always watch my back.





"These are memories that I will remind my child when she experience everyday. That I will always LOVE her, and I will always be her Pillar of Strength. These pictures will remind her of how I have LOVED her before, now and forever more. Let her refresh herself in this LOVE everyday, and in times of need, look back and see how much I have blessed her, taken care of her every single problem. And let her have faith to believe in the victory she already has.
 =) Lots of LOVE -that the oceans and skies cannot contain- Daddy God

Its really amazing how i was just telling the CG last week that i have yet to start on geog and math is overwhelming me. Its amazing how throughout the week so many things happen and how some teachers gave pretty obvious hints on what to study. It kinda feels as if i have completed what i am supposed to know. I have this sense of peace after taking a step at a time. Taking ti slow really helps me to see improvements here and there. Its a few days to exams now and i have not lost my peace yet. How great is it to just know that things are kind of going well. There is always a room for improvement though. But I suppose i am the only one who truly know how much grace i am depending on for this promos.

We kind of boycotted one chinese lesson, as a class and my teacher got reallly fed up. Ya, she complained to my CT and told the discipline commitee. It got me quite troubled as well for i am the CT rep. I prayed and prayed and keep confessing my victory over the situation. It got me really moody for i felt that i totally disgraced my God. Then i opened my file and saw 'dont worry'. I read and read and got the dont worry message stuck in my head. ANd the next day, she lectured us and we had 3hrs of chinese. She did not really like blame us for it, we just had to apologise, no black mark or anything. Its just grace.

For now, still have to study. really see how wonderful math is. Its like, wow! how can such things exist? And GOd made everything right down to the details. VEry amazing.
FInally the long awaited arrow is here again. yay!

I put all my expectations on you The Mighty One. I have am getting so stressed up. Its 17days from exams. And i am feeling super slack now. I have been unproductive for a few days already. Everyone is studying hard and i feel the need to keep up with them. I mean i am far back behind as results shows. Its pretty bad.

I choose to see Your Grace my almighty Daddy. You will bless all time i put into studying.I shall not look at my own expectations and create other's expectation of me. Right NOW i see your grace flowing in my studies, in my life. You protect me from all panic attacks and all blanking out.

I dont want to retain. i dun even know why i want to go into a uni. If i retain, maybe i will just apply for uni overseas. I dont even know why. Its just a feeling that i should study now. and just keep practising. Something just puts me back into studying. My heart just follows the feeling. As distracted i am by the tv, computer, the noise and every other thing else, i feel that i have to study. This stress is sinking in. I cant pull myself away from looking at the results. << this is the problem i know. but its really hard.

i need a miracle. like now! i havn't been studying consistently. its more like last min thing. sometimes i wonder how far can i be stretched. Miracle. yes. Its given by God. I should be able to see it through. Nono. i WILL see it through.

I put all my expectations on you The Mighty One. I have am getting so stressed up. Its 17days from exams. And i am feeling super slack now. I have been unproductive for a few days already. Everyone is studying hard and i feel the need to keep up with them. I mean i am far back behind as results shows. Its pretty bad.

I choose to see Your Grace my almighty Daddy. You will bless all time i put into studying.I shall not look at my own expectations and create other's expectation of me. Right NOW i see your grace flowing in my studies, in my life. You protect me from all panic attacks and all blanking out.

I dont want to retain. i dun even know why i want to go into a uni. If i retain, maybe i will just apply for uni overseas. I dont even know why. Its just a feeling that i should study now. and just keep practising. Something just puts me back into studying. My heart just follows the feeling. As distracted i am by the tv, computer, the noise and every other thing else, i feel that i have to study. This stress is sinking in. I cant pull myself away from looking at the results. << this is the problem i know. but its really hard.

i need a miracle. like now! i havn't been studying consistently. its more like last min thing. sometimes i wonder how far can i be stretched. Miracle. yes. Its given by God. I should be able to see it through. Nono. i WILL see it through.

I am super happy now. Actually i was quite bothered with a few things. I cannot get to sleep last night because my leg started to itch like real badly. I left my windows media player on shuffle mode and it landed on Pastor Prince's sermon. So i decided to listen to the Significance of grain, wine and oil. I had a great new revelation on communion and oil.

There is such power in the elements that i never noticed. Proclaiing the Lod's death is the way to  the manifestation of victory. My friend was just telling me that scars will disappear over time and all. But i am seriously disturbed by the scar on my leg. its freaking ugly. but guess what, jesus died with scars on His body. He has taken it away. When reminded of this truth i felt so free. Who needs creams and funny medication that the world need? oohhh how wonderful to hear good news.

The second thing is wisdom. i seriouly think i need to stop confessing the bad stuff into my life. This issue of Solid Rock is so timely. I have been saying that my brain is degenerating. crap. No wonder it IS degenerating. therefore i conclude that my brain is as useful and intelligent and working as ever, if not better. The tongue is therefore important. (esp when i talk so much). never underestimate the power of your tongue.

The devil is indeed smart to deceive the people. In church, people tithe and they get more money. The world thinks the exact opposite. Its beyond all logic. No wonder we need our eyes opened to see the divine supernatural ways of God.

I am here to say that I no longer fear death and sickness and darkness for it is in such places that the light shines brighter. i love what pastor said "When darkness covers teh Earth, rise and shine for GOd will shine on you. the glory of God has risen on you" isnt it great that in this fallen world, we can still rejoice and have a constant expectation of good for we have a wonderful saviour who has taken everything for us? so why worry. its not like worrying can help the situation to improve. it just makes you feel worse and takes away your faith. I suddenly feel super smart and happy. Light is so important in this dark and fallen world. Thank God for Jesus. =)

A continuation from yesterday. i am seriously sick. I know. Fever and headache and backache and all sorts of funny things going on with my voice and thinking. I feel like i am going to fall into the self-pity thing again.

I woke up feeling like zombie and dont want to go to school. I have my geog paper today, 3 hours of writing when i couldnt even think straight! When i was writing my answers down, i was like, crap i dont know how to do all the migration questions. And there is this piercing pain in my heart, and it comes and go. I cannot breathe properly and i was running a fever of 38.4 degrees. It was so bad that i cant realy speak and sing. I know its the sickening devil trying to trap me again. The thing that came up my mind was that i am not trying to be healed, i am already healed. But well,in anyway, the pain is real, the emotions when you are sick is real so i was kind of frustrated.

I decided to just praise and give thanks and be CONCIOUS of Daddy's love. When i saw today's devotional, i was like WOW! GOd is speaking to me.

Isaiah 53:4, YLT
4Surely our sicknesses he hath borne, and our pains — he hath carried them,

Indeed it is true. I was pretty blessed cos my parents were not at home and i was hungry and feeling real bad. But thank God my grandmother lives 2 units away. She cooked porridge for me and i slept for some time. Sweating and sweating. I decide to trust that my Daddy is great. All was done on the cross and i am already healed. Before i fell aslp, i pictured myself jumping and praising jesus' finished work and just celebrating. The devil will lose really badly if he doesnt give up now. When i woke up, i was alot alot better. I think i am still feverish but who cares? Jesus still love me. "Surely, He has borne your sicknesses and carried your pains. And as you believe this truth, surely, your healing and breakthrough will likewise come!

This sickening fever made me more concious of God's love for sure. Knowing that He is always by me. "that's why you put annoiting oil on your eyes!! so that you SEE that your demons are DEFEATED in front of you." i so love this by weiqian. I cannot imagine the pain Jesus had to bear with on the cross when i am complaining about this pain when i am sick. Thank GOd for Jesus.

We, the women of jc north, (sounds weird) had a women's meeting -- secret secret named by dawne- No we were not talking about hot guys or whatsoever, but we were indeed talking about the coolest Friend (understatement) one can ever have - Jesus.

I believe we were all so so so blessed. The Lord has blessed me with so many girls, or women to hang out with, for me to lean on when i 'cannot hear God'. I was really blessed by what Sharon said about God place the CG people around us to hear for us and to direct us God's word when we are so distracted by the circumstances.That is really God ordained. Its like we cannot really choose our cg, but they are all blessing to us. I used to tell my friend to not go for cg ( when i was still not a believer). I thought it was a waste of time. Just waste time talking or do some bible study. I realised that things are just not the same! He has opened my eyes of understanding and made me realised that he has placed precious gems around me. I can choose whether i want to share. By sharing and exposing our vulnerabilities (like what pastor Mark said) we can be more real and we learn from each other's experiences. For all i know, they may all experienced that before.

Dawne posted us a question(similar to that from the women's meeting): How would you see yourself as in 5 years time? Seriously i would like to answer: 160cm and look like 20years old. you may say ' come on man. its not all about physically.' I really cant believe how i will look like. i mean i still look like 12 year old now. thats my younger sis age! I AM 17! I want to be a spiritually mature women that can impact lives. Thats all for now. dun want to share too much of what i see myself as. heh. but i was touched by what Sharon said. A discerning heart. Love that! sensitive to people and yet mature enough to advice. cool!

I just saw Coach Gary's entry on the theme for arrow on 7th. I so so so love it! t-shirt and shorts! yay! I have been shopping for the past 2 days trying to get something non-tshirt. So many people who went shopping with me found it a really difficult task. I really cannot stand it. Since young, i have not been able to fit into clothes and shoes. I cannot buy kids size clothes cause i am TOO BIG and for adults size i am TOO SMALL.

Sometimes I get so frustrated I really don't feel like doing anything. Shopping is DEPRESSING. It stinks. I dont like shopping. yucks yucks. Maybe i should start my own business catering pretty clothes and shoes to small sized people. How can there be XL, XXL,XXXL but not XS,XXS,XXXS for so many clothes. Seriously, I hate being so small size. Its irritating me real bad. Why am i born so small?!?! I always tell God i want to be 160cm at least. I don't seem to grow at all. I want to be taller and have bigger feet. I cant fit into Converse size 3.5!! RARRR. I need new sneakers and they don't have my size at all!!!!!!!!!! Its really bad and getting into me.

That kind of explain why i love tshirts and shorts and slippers. I suppose that is the only thing that will really fit me. Plus i look like a kid. That is real bad. I need to be bigger size. I strongly believe that everyone will be tall in heaven. And there will be pretty clothes and shoes everywhere.

Well. My dad just blew his top again. I was asked to fly home immediately. I was scared. I feel kind of guilty going to church and going against my dad and grandma's will. I have always thought that going to church is to keep myself in His word and i know that if i don't i will feel verydry. And i don't want to miss a single church service as everytime, God really speaks to me through that. I always fear, then i pray on the bus, then nothing happens at home yet.

However, this time its different. I just feel as if the cat will be let out of the bag really soon. I had a dream a few months back that when i finish reading Romans in the bible, it will be the time to announce that I am a christian. I just didnt open it. I don't know what will happen and i don't want to know what will my crazy dad do to me. Well Jimmy reminded me to stay in His love and pray for favour with him. Also he reminded me that I should have confidence to expect for goodness in my life.

I know i really should expect goodness ( family salvation). After reading Anna's post on honouring parents, I feel that my point in this family is to get them saved and take them out of their ugly self. I really hate SELF. Afterall, God put me here to bring my family to Him. I cannot help but hate my dad's ugly self. Self righteous. It doesnt take a christian to hate the character. Anyway, i am trying my best to honour them as much as i can. I know its because God loves me that i can love them. It is so easy for the devil to put accusations in my household. But i know God will always be there for me. No matter what happen, favour with dad is what i ask for. Open up their mind to understand. Its really sad that people reject the truth and goodness that exist. Will post when i get my great revelation.

Somehow i just feel like putting words into sentences into lyrics. God has done much for me and i believe more good things are coming my way. That's why the devil always puts anger in my dad. The exponential spiritual growth is what keeps my faith strong. the best prt is that Jesus is praying for me. His perfect prayers and perfect sacrifice makes me righteous. I am the righteousness of God in Christ. Devil you cannot catch me. My faith may sway but Jesus' faith in God will never change. Thank God i have Jesus to lean on in times of need. I wonder what the world will do without God.

I received something today. Remember yesterday i blogged about Daddy appearing differently to us? Its like I may see Him as being really skinny and bloody and tired with dark eye rings on the cross while some may see Him as someone else. I was just pondering over it and yes, i got it. He is a personalised God. He exist in every believer,yes but He is personal in each of us. I feel so great. I still remember Pastor Dan speaking of life of significance in DARE last year. Isn't it great to have Him as our backing? We can lean on Him, receive from him, and He knows us like the back of His hand. Its fabulous! And He just cant wait to flood us with His love, grace and favour. He loves it! It just depend on how much u want to receive!!!! He is a good great loyal faithful trustworthy God.

Thank you everyone in JC North Caregroup and all my wonderful friends who remembered my birthday. I had a totally blessed experience today. Allow me to share. I turn 17 today, i am poudly to day but i am still young and i fell like a small kid. I will STILL express my emotions PROUDLY (includes crying if i am touched as well). Thanks for the cake JC north. I LOVE CAKES. OREOCHEESECAKE SOMEMORE. I really never ever had such a big group of people celebrating my birthday for me. THANKS SO MUCH. andi  cried cos i am really touched by the love and by what cheryl wrote in the card for me.

Amidst praying, thanking God for being normal and unique in my own ways, I realised we all view God differently. I dun mean literally. I know He is perfect, and is our righteousness, grace, love and all. I don't mean that. I mean to see our defects and imperfections taken by Jesus on the cross. I thought of drawing a picture of Jesus with all my defects on Him, nailed to the cross. Then paste it up. But I was reminded of what to say when dad ask me who is that. It came to me that i can say something like this :"This is my Jesus.He is really really ugly now cos that are ALL my defects. He has taken it for me 2 thousand years ago and now i am pretty, smart and all that He is. Even if it doesn't show it now, it will come to pass".

I have always been trying to find who i am and my purpose in this world. I have been whining and complaining. I am quite sure many still do too. It then hit me while i was still amazed by the above message. Christ is the rock i stand upon. He is in me. That is MY identity. I live in this world but i am not of the world. I always heard of these but never did it hit me that He is My identity. I have what he have. It is Good no matter what. I just need to activate my faith to receive it. Whatever He is, I am too!!

Cheryl wrote in her letter to me. If i remembered if i was the last to go up to receive Christ last year at The Zone. She pointed out to me that I was the last one to go up. And God, was waiting patiently for me. I was very touched. I shall fill you people in about my past first.

I was more or less anti-christ. In primary 4, at the dentist, my friend and i heard amazing grace while one girl was pulling out her tooth. The music came from nowhere and it lasted for about 20s. The dentist, being a christian said that it was God's angels. The girl said that she felt no pain at all when she heard the melody. And the dentist didnt use any anesthetics at all! She led us to accepting christ and we did.

I rememeber that God really blessed me alot. I was playing through most of the time, for my PSLE, i scored 239. My teacher asked me to aim for 240. It was really close. But i didnt really study. Think about the grace He gave me. Then in sec2, He blessed me with the good results. I was the level's 40th. Just nice to fit into a class. This means that i will get whatever choice i make. I went to Sam's (one of my best friend) church and received Christ. It felt like nothing is happening like what the pastor said. I was more or less depressed and searching for love and identity. Found some here and there. Not sufficient. There was once i was so affected by my grandmother that i told God:" I cannot go against my grandmother's belief. She says that Buddism is good and all. I don't want to be trapped between two gods. Please go away." (it seems foolish now to think back in time) But praise God that He is good and faithful. After around 6 years of rejecting Him and wandering in the wilderness, He brought me back to Him. He has never given up on me and blessed me with Pastor Prince during The Zone, and Pastor Dan in Encounter Jesus 3 camp last December. He showed me His love and grace that i really had to accept Him and bow down to Him. It is just great to lean on Him and bask in His love.

I must say I really grow alot since the start of the year. I am so blessed to enter ARROW and NewCreation Church. My growth and faith in Christ is like that of an exponential curve, x-axis is time and y-axis is faith? and gradient is growth. Something like that. I grew really rapidly. I dared to declare my faith proudly and boast about Him. Give all glory to Jesus. I really enjoy fellowship. I am freed from my past bondages and experiences that has been troubling me. Erasing it in my blog doesn't help. Only Jesus can fully supply all and satisfy all. AND TO PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: CHURCH IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME. Its a time of blessing.

I am still believing Him for many things. Family salvation, my vision, transformation in me, growing to 160 and many many more. I know it will happen. Which is why i can tell my friends that i have my ways. And my way is the one and only way: Jesus. I am still waiting for my visualisation, what i want to do in the future, and many more. I know it is Good.

On my 17th brithday, i have grown in wisdom. Even if its a little. I turned 17 on the 17th. Number of victory. I have many victorious moments to come. Like how David slayed Goliath, i will slay all Physics, all math, every single subjects, every single situation. I am getting D for all subjects now, but thanks to Jesus, i know that I can get As in A.lvl. I will get i job i love and glorify Jesus. Praise Jesus!

To all my friends who has little faith and don't understand what i mean. I didn't know of what Daddy God has done for me until i open my heart and accept Him. Fo those i have invited to The Zone, don't let the devil stop you from receiving from Him. He is always willing to give to you. It is really a ONE WAY choice. He will always bless you as long as you believe. I made a one way choice and was blessed ever since.you can too!

<You are the Way, the Truth and the Life
We live by faith and not by sight
For You, we're living all for You>
one way - Hillsong

For those who don't feel like reading the top:
Jc North took me to the Suntec Fountain of Wealth to give me and Cheryl a cake. I cried. I felt that is LOVE. Love of all my brothers and sisters in christ. This is really an amazing birthday. What a surprise! Really thank you all who wished me happy birthday, although its just a greeting, remembering it makes me feel appreciated. Thanks!

I have so many problems with my group leader in my project work group. He puts so much blame on me as if to say i am trying to 'get rid of him'. I am so annoyed by the way he talks. Its like as if his whole wotld revolved around him. grrrr I helped to change the whole group project proposal (GPP) cos my teacher explained 50min to me to change everything. I am like shocked cos he did a really bad job. He is so horrible. I just pray for wisdom in speech and patience with these people. I have like a milllion things to do.

During GP lesson, i learnt that God's ways are highly ironic. The world is just corrupted. My friend was telling me that economy states that thrift is not a virtue but a curse to the economy . Then another friend stated more of life's ironic stuff. The more you spend the more you earn. She was telling me that was how she persuaded her mum to give more allowance. That reminded me of what pastor said before. The more you sow the more you reap. somthing like that. Its like so cool. God's ways really require faith. You ave to believe that giving will allow you to receive. It is really a test of faith

Cheryl was asking me what was my visualisation that God gave. That reminded me that i have none. I have yet to receive any visualisation. I was telling her how badly i am scoring so far. I really believe that God gave me bad grades now so it will heighten my joy when i see my A level results. I really really want good grades even though i know that grace is all i need. I really don't know why i am feeling this way. I am so impatient. seessh.

I see my friend walking into the departure area. There she was, so near yet so far. I don't understand why she walked into my life, made such a great impact, and now, she leaves Its really irritating. She walked with me through my toughest years, we've fought, we've laughed, we've cried. God told me to pray for her this morning on my way to the airport. We managed to find some time, among all the friends who came. I feel so glad that God has placed her in my lige to depend on. Now, leaving is so painful. I teared for an hour. My eyes feel so puffy now. And small.

Speaking of small. The cluster cg on Friday was so cool. I realised then that i have really puny eyes. its 0.8cm based on Anna's measurement. Coach Gary shared about his experience with his mum which made me do something that i really never done before. I went home on saturday and hugged and kissed my mum.

I am so so so tired. stilll have to study physics. I really don't know why i am still studying. feels so pointless. I cant choose my season so just have to go along with it. I have been doing so badly in school. I even failed my chines compo. That is something. I never ever fail chinese. Thank God that i really dont need to compensate for the time lost and poor time management skills i have cos He has counted that on the cross as well.

Alright. I'm back after 1 week. Today, JC north organised the jc cluster activity. It was a last minute planning thing but it is through this that Daddy's grace abounds. It is really cool to know that Daddy is just so close, overlooking all of us at the same time, knowing all our needs and providing for us.

I always have this image that Daddy is like the person playing The Sims. ( i love to play The Sims, so one day i got this image.) And we are all His 'families'. He is in control of all our needs and wants. Just that its more interactive and He is on constant look out.

I was in charge of I'm Held By Your Love station with Jonathon and Ee Hua. Its a tree-hugging game. It's amazing how a supposedly brainless and strenous game turned out to be such a revelation! Daddy really really works wonders! Jonathon was able to come up with a very interesting debrief that most people did not really think of when they played the game.

I want to thank everyone for making the event a success. Particularly JC NORTH yeah. haha actually Benjamin is the most stressed out one. But i know he have gained alot and all of us have grown in different ways. Its just so cool!

I took alot of unglam pictures of weiqian btw haha. I am lazy to type. i shall go do my physics

I don't know why I decided to blog in multiply today. Daddy is still great. Somehow, after that stupid quarrel with my sis over the gc, we patched up. I woke up seeing her packing her lugguage. So then, i realised that she was leaving for HongKong. We managed to have a really small chat and then she went off. She even said bye to me. I am amazed. She nevers says hi or bye at all.

Then my mum came home really tired and frustrated and it got me real mad too. She asked me to do so many things when i still have alot to do. I was pretty much frustrated after that. But Daddy put peace in my heart when i began listening to annointed music. It felt really great to know that Daddy is still faithful. Meanwhile, I looked through my prayer request and realised its a really long list. I just know He will provide for me as i put my trust in Him. I am trusting Him for a few more stuff. Especially my CCA after like 3mths. I know. But i really cant decide. I just know that taking judo off my mind has somehow been great.